I was sitting in my favorite recliner, the game on before me, and in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “what day is today?” as I drift off to sleep before the 7th inning stretch. Time passes uncounted by me in slumber and I awake to darkness and an infomercial on the box advertising unhealthy pre processed one pot meals for lazy ones to feed their entire family with. I’m thinking to get up and go to bed. But isn’t this all Hallows’ eve?
Then in an instant I feel myself falling backwards, down, down, into a cauldron in a burning ring of fire. Am I to be a one pot meal, for what or whom?? Vertigo and fear engulf me at the same time! I land in the tepid water and it tastes sweet and I think, “well not so bad”, but then the flames grow higher, alarmingly higher. I hear a screech, a high pitched shrill voice – then two of them! They seem familiar, until they stop, no noise save for the sound of the fiery ring and the bubble, bubble, boil and trouble I’m in in the hot soup of the cauldron.
The silence sits eerie upon me and then slowly I hear a siren song from two obviously fair maidens. Would I hear the third siren song? I felt just like a child, warm in the cauldron. I feel our hearts meet and I am thinking to get out of the cauldron but here am now bound by desire. But which one? Who’s love, one or both? Love, love which is a burning thing that holds me in it’s spell? I think the taste of love is so sweet, but then the fire went wild!
I come to my senses, but is it too late? I am the proverbial boiling frog, content in ever warming water only soon to be boiled of all flesh. The voices go shrill again and I see it is two witches, flying in a circle, opposite each other but unaware of each I believe as both stare at me intently to the exclusion of all else. Yet they both narrate the same ditty:
I stripped you bare of kith and kin,
I drove you mad with a constant din,
I plundered all assets that you had,
Although you were good I labelled you bad.
I promised forever, till death do us part,
And I did my best to make you depart,
Alas you’re still here for me to see,
And you shall soon learn, you are never free.
I took all you had and left you alone,
And now I am back for the meat on your bone,
I’m entitled to you, though you thought it was over,
Give it to me, or I’ll ever flyover.
Alas it was bad, I envisioned the worst. Then I see each in rhyme, casting a curse and behind them marches an army of zombie bureaucrats, judges, and well meaning omnipotent moral busybodies to do the bidding of witches for their cut of the soup which is me in the cauldron. I am thinking all is done for, how can one man overcome such evil in the world?
But then a stroke of luck befalls me, fate I am sure. For each witch had not seen the other and was acting alone in her narcissistic greed. When each saw the other and realized they weren’t getting a full cut of me, and bound by the desire of their greed and not wanting to share the meat from my bones, they turned on each other. Flying right at each other with a evil eye look to kill, and shouting curses and chants, they both in turn neglected to see the telephone pole placed before them by fate I am sure. The splat was a horrendous sound heard throughout the valley, but to me it was a song of freedom.
I now had no trouble in turning the cauldron on its side and the soup I was in put out the mighty ring of fire allowing me to escape. I did a Scottish victory dance and zombies, being the leeches they are, would not take on a man with muscle still attached to his bones, and here they retreated.
I was marching away from the madness, happy to escape with my skin and was thinking to myself that I had succumbed to the siren song of two, alas I am now smart enough to never hear the song of the third! I then heard a thump and my chair hit the floor and awoke me for I had apparently leaned to far back in the recliner and weight distribution slowly let my head fall down. I sat in wonder, was it a dream or was I in another nightmarish world?
I get up to go to bed but think to myself to pass along my misadventures as an example to others. And this advice I give to young men everywhere; beware the siren song of the first that you see, and the second in marriage will not set you free, and heed the words of the man in black, for once in the cauldron you can’t go back, and knowing the fate of those who went before you, beware the fiery ring.
I close with the immortal wisdom of the man in black https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhWJF35Q81k